
Things would be a lot easier if I were one of those people who, from the moment I was born, had one passion. I wish that my love of Lego had led me to be an architect, or that my love of making mud pies had led me to a career as a pastry chef. I am so baffled and in awe of people whose lives seem to follow that kind of path. The math nerds who become accountants, the athletes who become, well, athletes. Those who love something (one thing), who can't see themselves doing anything else, have a path to follow. They know what they love, what they are naturally good at, and what they can't imagine themselves
not doing. What is that for you?
For me? I don't have
one thing. I enjoy school (I better damn well enjoy school seeing as I'm in the equivalent of grade 19), but I also desperately love music and performance. I have a lot of hobbies, which--as my family and former roommates can testify--results in having a lot of stuff. I love my hobbies and stuff so much that I am literally and figuratively buried by them.
My room is piled with makeup, clothes, photography equipment, sheet music, musical instruments, books, and art supplies. My brain is so full of ideas and things that I just
have to try, just
have to learn, just
have to do, that my day-to-day brain functions are cluttered. It is hard to operate this way. I can't do school readings without stopping to jot down song lyrics. I can't work on a paper without stopping to look up fancy cameras online. It's a pretty ridiculous way to operate, really.
The very idea that I am doing a masters of anything is almost laughable considering my lifelong inability to focus on any one thing.
Just today I found an ad in the paper for open auditions for an upcoming Mirvish production of The Sound of Music. I fit the description of the casting call exactly. I ripped out the notice, rented the movie and began to prepare for the audition before stopping to remind myself, "You know, you're still a full-time student for the next 8 months or so. You will lose your scholarship if you don't finish your degree in two years. Also, you live in Montreal while the production is in Toronto."
Oh right. That.
My passionate instincts are constantly at war with the more reasonable, nerd parts of my brain. Now you see why my blog has the name it does.
Also, while I was doing vocal warm ups to begin to rehearse my audition song, my earnest singing was brought to an abrupt halt when I heard the guy who lives above me yell, "SHUT UP!" at the top of his lungs. I felt like the princess in the new Disney film,
Enchanted, whose innocent singing is greeted only by scorn from hardened New Yorkers. Ouch.
Has my polyamorous nature set me up for a fate where I try to do everything and end up doing nothing? If I continue trying to be a jack of so many trades, will I ever finish my master's?