c'est finit

And just like that, it's over. As of Thursday afternoon (short of completing some paperwork) I have now completed my Masters in Media Studies. The experience of the thesis defense was pretty intense, I have to say. Handing my work to three brilliant women who subsequently commented on, critiqued, and questioned it made me feel very vulnerable. Their feedback was certainly challenging, and of course got me thinking about all the things I could have done differently. But a thesis entails a process of dealing with scope, and learning how to narrow down your topic to exclude a million possible ideas, while including only a few.

I do not find it easy to focus on any one thing for a long period of time; I am happiest and most satisfied when juggling a selection of things. So when I decided to do a master's degree, it was mostly because I wanted to test myself, to see if I was actually capable of working on one big thing for a period of time.

I avoided involving myself in too many other activities here in Montreal, and put a lot of my hobbies on the back burner, in order to commit myself to this exercise in focus. All in all, my lifestyle for the last two years has predominantly had two facets: booze and books (a conversation and realization about which inspired the title of Jessica's blog). In other words, I've either been reading and writing, or enjoying the fruits of Montreal's incredible nightlife (okay, and day life. You try resisting sangria on a terrace when the afternoon breezes float down St. Laurent).

And now, I am so ready for my life to expand beyond these horizons. Some thrive in the grad school situation. I did not. While I enjoyed the overall experience, was stimulated by the work, love the friends I have shared the ups and downs of the program with, and am proud of my final product, I found that it was time for me to leave academia — at least for now. I need to get out of my apartment, and away from my desk, and into something a little more interactive (and, you know, financially lucrative) at this point in my life.

In stark contrast to the heady task of finishing my thesis, I've spent the last few days eating peaches while watching season one of Gossip Girl on my computer, saying a reluctant goodbye to Peter as he departs for Toronto, dancing til the wee hours at a 50s party, and eating at a crazy amazing Italian restaurant with Brian's family, and finally cleaning our apartment that has been full of visitors for the last two weeks.

Now I am ready to enjoy the holiday Monday, before "school" starts again: full-time French classes for me (+ the ongoing job hunt), and the small task of a Ph.D program for Brian. Sweet mercy.

a relevant snippet

From Chapter Two:Blogalization

...The online environment, with its inherent sense of detachment, has a disinhibiting effect on people. According to Flora, “electronic disclosure eliminates the normal self-censorship mechanisms that have evolved over human history” (Ibid 85). At a deeper level, the diary type blog allows an individual to celebrate and broadcast his or her individual adventures, and even their more banal aspects of daily life.

This process of sharing turns an ordinary person’s life into a published story, and allows the individual to feel like “something more than an anonymous drone in a technological and impersonal world” (Flora 85). By reading others’ public diaries, bloggers can reflect on the subjects at hand, and learn more about themselves in the process. If not always objective or truthful, public diary blogs represent what Blood terms “an unprecedented opportunity for individual expression on a worldwide scale” (Blood).

What is more, for all his criticism of blogs, even Keren admits that studying blogs is a critical step in the rethinking of the public/private divide, that was “traditionally affected by an abstract notion of the individual, and lack of means to penetrate his or her private sphere or lack of incentive to do so because it was considered irrelevant” (Keren 11). A critical look at blogs and blogging practice brings a discussion of the individual into the realm of public discourse...

Tomorrow I defend my thesis.

les boys

A summer night, a giant illuminated cross (and resulting Christian rock cover photo shoot), a walk through the pitch black forest, and a soupçon of booze.

After last weekend's girl time, it's different (though equally fun) to be back in Montreal with my gentlemen friends.

right here, right now

I was in mid-conversation with an Iranian-American-Canadian man while watching African dance and waiting for my brother at Dundas square on Monday, when he asked a question that got me thinking.

"So is this place supposed to be the heart of the city? If that's the case, there is definitely an energy missing here."

Dundas Square? "Hell no," I replied.

"Well then where is it? where is the best part, or the heart, of Toronto?"

"I'm sure the tourism board might want people to think it's here, as well as all the business owners, but in terms of feeling and actual vibrancy this is definitely not it."

"So where would you say it is? I just moved here from New York, and I can't figure out the vibe of this place."

As I started listing off neighbourhoods, parks, and attractions that might be more to his liking, the answer—which was far to cheesy to explain to him—came to mind. The heart of this city, or any city for that matter, is where your favourite people live and hang out.

It's the elusive authentic experience of a city that so many tourists seek, but so few find, and instead end up settling on trolling commercial streets and museums. Sure, you are taking in the wonderful sights of a given place, and people watching to your heart's content, but you never find what you were looking for.

You find the heart by following the pulse of your friends, who live in, know and love their chosen city.

Of this I was certain, because I had just finished spending a refreshing weekend at my brother's place, and also chez Jenn and Alex, running into many lovely friends along the way. Having never lived in Toronto, it was amazing to be so welcomed, and made to feel so at home, purely by virtue of the hosting style of the amazing family and friends I have.

It always takes me a second to adjust, as I traverse between Montreal and Toronto, because the cities are so different from each other, and because the speed of modern transportation that shortens the gap between the two makes me feel like I travel at warp speed between the different worlds.

Not only are the cities different—my life seems so different in each one. Although I am happy to adjust to both of them, the transition is always equally thrilling and painful. But the salve for my anxiety is, as always, good company.

visit!

In Toronto until Monday afternoon. If anyone is up for anything on Sunday or Monday, be sure to send me a msg on the old book of faces.

and so it begins

Today was day one of my job search. Although the uncertainty of the process makes me very nervous, I have been looking forward to this stage for a long time. I am more than ready to take a break from academia, if not to leave it entirely. I may one day return to do a PhD, or to do some specialized course of some kind. For now, however, the time is right to leave my comfort zone of books and journals and chapters and papers and pulling my hair out and feeling guilty if not working on my thesis... yes, the time is clearly right.

I have one remaining task before the completion of my MA, which is defending my thesis. Brian and I have our defenses on the same day (kindly synchronized by my supervisor/program director, who did so to let us "party together afterwards). So, after August 28th, if my defense is successful, I will really and truly be finished this program.

My backup plan is to take a French course. In Quebec, there are courses available that are heavily subsidized, and cost only $40 for a full-time, two month program. That seems to be a reasonable option.

And though I am somewhat embarrassed to admit this, I've just completed the very helpful and relevant job hunting guide What Colour is Your Parachute? I don't know why admitting this makes me so sheepish, as it is actually a really good book. Maybe I'm judging the book by the terrible clip art on its cover? Anyways, in addition to its search strategies, the book provides a handful of exercises that help you really sort through your passions, skills, and desires, as well as urging you to figure out what you do not want to do.

A while ago, I mentioned on here that I had an interview for a makeup artist position. The interview went really well; the employer seemed great, and I was asked back for a second interview. Actually going for the interview and checking out a career that I'd always considered pursuing was really instructive because I realized through the process that I did not want the job. I decided this for a variety of reasons, and now prefer to keep makeup artistry as a sideline job.

If I hadn't actually gone for the interview as a way of gathering information, I would have always wistfully regretted giving up some secret dream to be a makeup artist. Now I know for certain that it is not the career for me, at least not in the salon capacity.

So that's a start, right?

From this point on, I am putting all inhibitions aside and applying for anything that seems like it might be interesting. My rough areas of interest are: writing (journalism, copy writing/editing etc); marketing and/or communication; international development & social justice; art & design (photography, layout, digital art, freelance art of any kind); performance (occasional paid gigs as a singer in any capacity besides jumping out of birthday cakes at bachelor parties — I already turned down those types of offers when I was 17*); event planning.

That being said, those realms are just a starting point. At this point, I am open to any possibility within reason. If any of you employed people (I revere and envy you all) have any advice to offer about the job hunt process, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it!

*I may even take up my former job as a Marilyn Monroe impersonator. Squeezing into satin dresses and whispering songs wouldn't be that hard to get back into. Or would it? Oh god, am I really willing to go there?

plateau sundays

trading clutter for chaos

(3 days ago)

I am a social being. I realized this when trying to explain to Brian why I needed to invite guests over today despite the state of chaos in which our new apartment still exists. He —being much more type A than I am — made it clear that he would prefer to wait until every last box is unpacked, and, you know, until we have couches. I would rather invite people into the chaos, and engage their creativity. That's why it was great to have Romy, Veronique, and Skye (and Milton the pug) over today.

I have realized that, in my mind, this apartment didn't feel real until I had some guests over. Like their company validated its existence. I guess there is a reason for housewarmings after all, as the presence of friends truly warms up the space for our daily life, and for future parties.

Over sangria and many a snack, the girls came up with ideas for setting up the double living room that I never would have thought of. Who would have thought we could work with Brian's huge, circa 1970 speakers instead of (in my case) fighting against them? Who would have thought to use them as end tables and hang symmetrical lanterns over them? Who would have thought to incorporate my piano into the library? Romy. Definitely not me.

When moving, it's so easy to look at your same old stuff and think of setting it up in the same fashion as you had in your last place. Often a new set of eyes (and the creative minds of friends) can help you look at things in a totally different light. When we moved from London, we brought all our stuff from our respective houses, carrying the burdens and scraps of our past rat-packing. The resulting decor scheme consisted of handed down hand-me-downs and childhood furniture. A lot of that was sold, given away, or tossed out, as we pared our stuff down to essentials and favourites.

And now, instead of being full of cluttered, clashing pieces, our empty living room is full of potential.

a new home

Moved in, and no internet on my own computer, so therefore no pictures to show for it, though I have taken too many. The first thing I did was carefully put together my 3-tiered dessert tower, and then artfully arranged my cookbook collection on the shelves of my butcher's block. Priorities!

This place is really fantastic, and there's an air about it that hints it will play host to many a wonderful day and night. I have never been so excited about a place before. There are even other musicians in the building from what I can hear, which makes me less self-conscious about my constant singing and likelihood of band practices.

Tonight, I am curled up in the study (!) with a half of a Crunchie bar, while reading the age-inappropriate Breaking Dawn. Yesterday I raced a thunderstorm to get my copy. I then had a perfectly legitimate excuse to start chapter one over an iced coffee while I waited out the rain.

Looking around me, wondering about everything that will come of the decision to stay here in Montreal for at least a while longer, and to move here specifically, I feel calm, and very content.