inspiration: katrina markoff

Have you ever come across someone - whether in person or via some other medium - that makes you want to work your ass off to try to accomplish even a fraction of what she has?

For me, that person is Katrina Markoff. I first heard about her 2 summers ago when my great aunt Joyce brought boxes full of Vosges chocolates to our family reunion.

Vosges is an "Haut-chocolate" company that Markoff founded after she graduated from Le Cordon Bleu, apprenticed under Ferran Adrià (one of the world's most famous chefs) and travelled the world. Her creations feature spices, flowers and other exotic ingredients (hello, bacon) from all over the world. She invents every recipe herself in Vosges' Chicago headquarters.

To summarize: this lady travels the world looking for flavour inspiration, then blends her discoveries into exquisite chocolaty concoctions. Pretty much the best job on earth.

Since my job places me in the food/lifestyle realm of the interweb, I often come across references to her chocolates. In this video, she explains her brainstorming process:



And, while on Design Sponge a few weeks ago, I was admiring photos of rooms decorated the way I would decorate if I had money. Intrigued, I scrolled back up to see the owner, and it was none other than Markoff. Small world? Or, is it that once we find something that inspires us, it keeps popping up in different forms everywhere. Why is that?

More importantly, how does one become one of the 26 most fascinating entrepreneurs by one's early thirties?

Photo credit: Design Sponge

screenshots from an historic election

a pinch of risk, a smidgen of faith

We didn't meet to commiserate, to wallow in the sting of both being rejected on reality tv. Rather, we met today to talk about where that rejection had led us.

Over iced black tea lemonades, she noted that it had led her to take stock of her life. Until recently, she was a Concordia master's student like me. However, she has since left her program, after reluctantly admitting that it's just not making her happy.

"I realized that it would do me more harm than good to finish the program," she explained.

So, in what I think is a pretty courageous move, she dropped out and is moving back to her home city to try something completely new. Going through the audition process helped her recognize that her passion is music. While preparing for the audition, she felt more exhilirated and energetic than she felt in a long time. She liked that feeling, and didn't want to trade it in for the hum of boredom and obligation that her current life had been producing. So now she is going to look for a day job and pursue music.

I like that she knows the two seem to go hand in hand: day jobs and moonlighting. I like that she accepts that and is willing to take the risk. Music is almost always risky, which is what makes it so sexy.

For me, the rejection led me back to Montreal, to finish what I started. And now, it seems, I will be staying after all. Maybe.

Last night, at another coffee shop, I sat across the table from another person. We had one of those "big" talks — the kind that have a lot of bearing on the future. We also talked about risks, and how we might go about handling them. He pretty much knows what he's doing next, and I am ... getting closer to knowing. But I know where we stand, and that's gotta count for something.

two-way mirrors

I'm not supposed to write about this, so I won't name names or places. It was too unique an experience not to at least share a piece of it. I'm back in Montreal now, but just a week ago ago, I was pacing in my hotel room in Toronto, trying to get myself and my songs in order for an audition.

I stood in a room with 99 other young sopranos, all of whom were warbling away like crazy, and I had the strange sensation of being just another songbird in a cage. Our hopes and talents were trapped together in one room for hours, and they flitted desperately around, resonating, but ultimately bouncing off the walls. It became a cacophony of competing chanteuses.

I walked onto the set after hours and hours of waiting. I looked at the two esteemed judges, I was blinded by the stage lights. I froze. I sang, but the song was trapped inside by my nerves, so the story couldn't come out.

They couldn't make up their minds about me, so they invited me back the next day, along with 23 others. We would soon be in cramped quarters together again, but on a stage instead of in a waiting room. I can't divulge any more at this point. You will have to wait for the show to air in June.

So, despite feeling deflated, I have learned a few things from this experience. From all my practicing, I have remembered how much I need to sing. I need to sing regularly, loudly, and with gusto. Which means it's back up to my secret practice space, since I don't want to drive my neighbours crazy.

The other thing I learned is that getting ready for this whole audition process breathed new life into me.  I have been so excited, nervous, thrilled, scared, and bewildered. I like how those estranged emotions feel. It feels great, and it feels like something, to not know what will happen.  To know that anything could happen. I want to feel that way more often.

***

As for the above photo, I tried something different and stood on the other side of the camera this week, while modeling for my mom. I learned most everything I know about photography from her--she is amazing. It was fun to have my picture taken by someone whose abilities I respect and trust. I will post a few more once I figure out my new computer.


Happy belated Easter, or happy spring pick-me-up, pastel-toned accessories day!

no turning back

I spent Friday morning pacing around the apartment. I was waiting for a phone call that would decide whether or not I would have to clean the apartment.

At around 10 am, I got a call from a journalist at the CBC, asking for my address. They were coming to my place after all, and around noon. Son of an onion, I had to get cleaning fast.

A few days before, I had been contacted by some people at CBC Montreal, who were looking to do a feature on someone who was auditioning for How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria, the cross-country casting call for the lead role in The Sound of Music (to open in Toronto in October). I'm never one to turn down a chance to do something unusual, so I agreed to be interviewed. Which brings me to Friday, when I was frantically trying to clean, get dressed, do my makeup, and warm up in case they asked me to sing.

Around 12:30 the journalist and cameraman arrived. They rearranged my furniture a bit to set up the shot, and then started the interview. She asked me all about why I am interested in this show, what I would do if I did or didn't get the part, and why the casting agents should choose me. I tend to squirm when asked to self-promote, and this time was no different. Fortunately they cut the parts where I talked about how my clumsiness and scatterbrained personality could help me relate to the part.

They also asked to interview Brian. He had been trying to remain inconspicuous, typing away in his room, but I dragged him out anyways. He was a great sport, although when I heard some of his answers, I had to stifle my laughter. For example, when asked what his relationship to the sound of music was, he told them "I've known it's existed for a long time."

Talking was the easiest part for me. It was when they asked me to play the guitar along to my singing that I cringed. I didn't even know some of the chords in the song. So I completely faked it. I just put my fingers in random places on the frets, and strummed softly enough that the mic wouldn't pick up the notes.

All in all, it was an interesting experience. Tomorrow, they will be coming with me to my audition. I am extremely nervous, and there is something up with my throat, but hopefully those things will pass by tomorrow. For better or for worse, there is no turning back now.

me, on the cbc

I will write about this experience later today, but in the meantime...

http://www.cbc.ca/video/popup.html?http://www.cbc.ca/ondemand/newsatsix/montreal.asx#

(fast-forward to the 55 minute mark)

passion versus reason (part 2)

I went to the audition. If I hadn't gone, I would have been sitting at my desk, working on my paper, and wondering what would have happened if I would have gone.

While preparing this morning, I didn't want the guy upstairs to tell me to "SHUT UP!" again, so I grabbed my sheet music and headed up to the rooftop pool in our building. Warming up in a room full of bright morning sunlight, and fabulous acoustics, I felt pretty hopeful about the day ahead.

I hopped on the Metro by 9:30, so that I wouldn't have to wait in line too long at the auditions. Past open calls I have done have had line-ups that stretched city blocks. Imagine my surprise when I walked into the theatre to see only 10 others waiting to sign up. More people arrived eventually, but it was still a very small turnout.

After a while, I made it past the first screening audition, where I sang without accompaniment. The lady told me to loosen up and be sassy. Her instructions made me laugh, and helped me to feel more at ease for the second round. I sang my audition piece for the casting panel, and then "The Sound of Music," upon request (which, thank god, I had been practicing just in case). They seemed to be happy, and handed me some scenes to read over.

I rehearsed the scenes with the first lady who'd seen me. She was incredibly generous with her time, and her direction, which was awesome. After a short while, it was back into the main audition room to present the scenes I had been working on. We ran through them, and it felt so great. They asked me to wait outside the door.

A few minutes later, one of women on the casting panel came and told me they were interested in seeing more of me for the part of Maria. I think I started to hyperventalite at this point.

The catch is, I will have to go through a rigorous audition process that will be the feature of an upcoming reality show called "How do you Solve a Problem Like Maria." Based on the British program of the same name, the show will conduct nation-wide auditions for the lead role of the show. I am truly hesitant to participate in reality tv, but having done well in today's audition, I'm told, may help me through the process.

Now, buzzing with excitement after today, I have to wait a month and a half until those auditions get started. AHHHHH.

passion versus reason

Things would be a lot easier if I were one of those people who, from the moment I was born, had one passion. I wish that my love of Lego had led me to be an architect, or that my love of making mud pies had led me to a career as a pastry chef. I am so baffled and in awe of people whose lives seem to follow that kind of path. The math nerds who become accountants, the athletes who become, well, athletes. Those who love something (one thing), who can't see themselves doing anything else, have a path to follow. They know what they love, what they are naturally good at, and what they can't imagine themselves not doing. What is that for you?

For me? I don't have one thing. I enjoy school (I better damn well enjoy school seeing as I'm in the equivalent of grade 19), but I also desperately love music and performance. I have a lot of hobbies, which--as my family and former roommates can testify--results in having a lot of stuff. I love my hobbies and stuff so much that I am literally and figuratively buried by them.

My room is piled with makeup, clothes, photography equipment, sheet music, musical instruments, books, and art supplies. My brain is so full of ideas and things that I just have to try, just have to learn, just have to do, that my day-to-day brain functions are cluttered. It is hard to operate this way. I can't do school readings without stopping to jot down song lyrics. I can't work on a paper without stopping to look up fancy cameras online. It's a pretty ridiculous way to operate, really.

The very idea that I am doing a masters of anything is almost laughable considering my lifelong inability to focus on any one thing.

Just today I found an ad in the paper for open auditions for an upcoming Mirvish production of The Sound of Music. I fit the description of the casting call exactly. I ripped out the notice, rented the movie and began to prepare for the audition before stopping to remind myself, "You know, you're still a full-time student for the next 8 months or so. You will lose your scholarship if you don't finish your degree in two years. Also, you live in Montreal while the production is in Toronto."

Oh right. That.

My passionate instincts are constantly at war with the more reasonable, nerd parts of my brain. Now you see why my blog has the name it does.

Also, while I was doing vocal warm ups to begin to rehearse my audition song, my earnest singing was brought to an abrupt halt when I heard the guy who lives above me yell, "SHUT UP!" at the top of his lungs. I felt like the princess in the new Disney film, Enchanted, whose innocent singing is greeted only by scorn from hardened New Yorkers. Ouch.

Has my polyamorous nature set me up for a fate where I try to do everything and end up doing nothing? If I continue trying to be a jack of so many trades, will I ever finish my master's?

balconies are dangerous

The air is thick and dreamy with humidity and mist .

A few days ago, I participated in a research project that a friend of mine is working on. As a participant, I was instructed to photograph two days of my life, and email my friend my favourite 5 or so photos. After sending them, we met to discuss the contexts of the pictures, my reasons for choosing the ones I did, and what themes arose from the collection.

The whole process was very interesting, self-reflexive, and mildly depressing. It was unfortunate that one of the days I photographed was clouded by a wicked hangover (from wine and pineapple spritzer, of my own making), as half the photos were of me lying melodramatically in various slumps around the apartment.

The other participant and myself noticed a several common themes between our photo collections: lying down, sitting, eating, reading, drinking, typing, and (the one redeeming theme) exercise.

And, thus far this summer, this is the simple life of a grad student. The pendulum of my life swings between books and booze; windows and tv screens are my portals to the world. I do love it, but I can't do this whole sedentary lifestyle thing for much longer. In the meantime, I sit on my balcony enjoying the night breeze, and watching as my dreams shift from academia and towards the yet-to-be-determined.

At least I am still dreaming.

Also, mother of pearl this is addictive.

...and i just can't hide it

Lots of excitement today.

Anything related to the performing arts will always assume the biggest place in my heart. Yes, I am happy where I am, and with what I am doing, but when an opportunity arises so strangely and serendipitously, and a friend is so encouraging, I can't turn it down.

a year in review & a year in preview

I suddenly felt like a spoiled fool when, after silently lamenting the lack of change in my life, I realized that this year has been so saturated with change that I'm now brattily bored if things don't move for a few days! Good god I have trouble staying still. I have decided it's okay to stop rolling; I can be a sitting stone, and gather moss with my paitience.

I've been steering clear of the computer for some time now, and taking a break from all forms of work. Seeing how school is on the near horizon, it's time to get the old act together.

2006 was, for me, a year of change both wonderful and heartbreaking:

Last moments of student journalism and student theatre at Western. Hours upon hours applying for MA programs. Moving out of the student ghetto, and saying goodbye to my housemates. Graduation, a degree in hand, and the beginnings of another. Canadian travels: Banff and the continental divide in Alberta, a month of french immersion in northern Quebec. International travel: trekking through the UK, Ireland and parts of Western Europe with a certain lad and Amy's backpack. A death in the family, a friend's wedding on the horizon. Moving to Montreal. Moving in with my boyfriend. Falling in love with a city. Making it through first semester with pretty decent marks. Friends scattering across the globe: Washington, Florida, Ghana, Toronto, Tanzania, Ottawa, Japan. And coming home for the holidays...

Almost every aspect of 2006 required a lot of planning. I think I'm going to take a different approach to this year. For the first time in my life, I am consciously deciding not to plan. I'm just going to work, love, take lots of risks and see where I end up.

I went to the hair salon a few days ago, with no plan at all. My stylist up here is a brassy gal with a great imagination, and I gave her free reign with my locks. A lot of chopping, and a pile of hair on the floor later, I now have a voluminous cut called the "starshine halo". It's definitely bold, with layers as long as 10 inches, and as short as 3. It's risky, but I love it, and feel like a new lady.

Here's to the unexpected!

SAWK

I've been trying to figure out if sawk (social awkwardness) dwindles over time, or if it just worsens as we get older.

Most people would probably argue that the early teen years of voice cracks, the sudden need for deodorant, and unrequited schoolyard crushes are the most awkard. I used to agree, but I'm beginning to think otherwise.

The early twenties are also full of socially awkward moments. I think there's a dangerous assumption during this period that everyone has grown up to a certain extent. How do you react to twentysomething temper tantrums, baffling unawareness of current events, or complete neglect of general manners? Whining, ignorance, and rudeness to me characterize the classic cases of socially-underdeveloped twentysomethings. When some people seem at least somewhat grown-up, and others act like stunted pre-teens, it quickly becomes...awkward.

Middle age also seems to be plagued by sawk moments. I always thought the most awkward clashes arose between adults who accepted their age, and the mid-life crisis (sports car buying, mistress-shopping) types. It appears, however, that sawk can be stirred up even between adults in the same demographic.

Yesterday, for example, I was standing in line at a United Way charity lunch. The pasta was delayed, and the flock of mid-forties ladies around me was certainly not pleased. To pass the time, they gathered in for gossip, and somehow engulfed me in their circle. I honestly have no idea how this happened, but I suddenly found myself inescapably enclosed within a circle of sawk.

Lady 1: So, lady 2, I’m well. I’m assuming you’re well as well?

Lady 2: Yes, I’m well thank you. We’re all well at home as well. You know we’ve got the usual holiday hustle and bustle, but what else is new? [Side note: who talks like this?]

Lady 1: Oh tell me about it. The kids’ lists get longer every year!

Lady 3: Speaking of kids, Lady 4, is your daughter still…acting?

Lady 4: Yes, she is actually. She has the lead role in a production right now. We’re really proud, but we’re also trying to steer her towards thinking about University. But we figure it’s best to go along with it now, and let her give theatre a try.

Lady 3: Of course, it’s probably best to humour her for a bit. Let her figure out for herself that she has to go to school eventually. I mean, she definitely will once the acting thing doesn’t come through and the parental safety net is pulled out from under her.

Lady 4: I didn’t mean—

Lady 2: Come on, we all had dreams, didn’t we? I know I did until I turned 30, thought my life was over and the sun would never rise again. Then I realized that my dreams didn’t really relate to real life.

Lady 3: --People have no idea who they are or what they need when they’re young. Not even in their 20s. You just don’t have the life experience to know who you are or what’s right for you. It wasn’t until I turned 45 that I figured out who I was.

Lady 4: To be honest with you, I wish I'd done what she’s doing now. We’re actually very proud of her and we think she has a good chance of making a career in theatre. We just want her to get an education as well at some point.

Lady 3: Of course she has a good chance. But how many people do you know who are doing what they “dreamed” of doing?

Lady 1 and 2: Not many. Yeah, really, not many.

Lady 3: But we all turned out all right in the end. Like I said, we know who we are now, and what life is really about.

Awkward silence. Me, staring down and playing with my zipper, avoiding eye contact so they don’t realize I’m probably the same age as said daughter and start asking me about my life plans. Me, in desperate need of escape, backing slowly out of the circle and quickly budding the whole group to get my lunch and get the hell out of there.

After I finished my lunch I watched Lady 3 arguing over who had won the digital camera raffle prize. She was screaming for a redraw, claiming her son “had to have it” and refusing to take no for an answer. As I left I tried not to let the ladies’ conversation depress me. I really felt for the mom who was proud of her daughter, and had to listen to a bunch of acquaintances/co-workers project their crushed ambitions onto her daughter’s dream. If knowing “what life is about” means being rude and mean to a proud mom, and creating an incredibly awkward scenario (contained in which was an unwilling eavesdropper), then I have no intention of joining the ranks of those ladies. How do ambitious youngsters turn into sawky gossip hens?

Please, do not let a similar fate await me.

In other news, I am officially finished the longest paper I have ever written. One more to go, and then home for the holidays.

See more photos here.