04 December 2007

I'll get you my weirdo, and your scary dog too

It should be easy to enjoy the beginning of the Christmas season in the city. Montreal is now covered in about 40 cm of fluffy snow. Festive lights and window displays abound. Children prance happily through the streets. What could possibly go wrong, you ask?

For the second year in a row, my festive meandering has been rudely interrupted by neighbourhood weirdos.

Last year while I was just beginning a shopping trip with Jennie, a street "preacher" looked me right in the eyes and condemned me to hell to the tune of a Chrismas carol. Disturbing and uncalled for, his tuneful declaration of my firey fate definitely annoyed me.

This year, however, the local weirdo population has kicked up its offensive. The other day I decided to spend the afternoon Christmas shopping by myself, while Brian worked on a paper. As I approached the very same street corner of the previous incident, I saw a late-twenties man jingling his coffee cup of change, and singing carols to passersby.

"Ah, how nice," I thought to myself, as I approached. Just as I started to reach into my purse to grab some change, I made the mistake of smiling at this man. Apparently a casual smile somehow gave him the idea that I was a dirty whore, because he quickly changed the lyrics of his song to the most vile, disgusting phrase of sexual harassment I have ever heard. I won't even repeat what he said here, because it's that sick.

My smile vanished to be replaced by an enraged roar, and I started speed walking away. Behind me this idiot yelled, "Hey lady, my dog and I could use some change you know. Come on! Hey, you know I made you smile."

More like made me want to puke on his pit bull.

Apparently this guy is notorious for saying unrepeatably gross things to women, and getting downright agressive at times. Several of my friends have complained about him to me before. I guess begging on a street corner while flanked by an equally notorious breed of dog makes this guy feel like he's above having to treat women with respect. Just because he appears to be homeless does not entitle him to be a disgusting human being to people who are living productive lives. Is it too much to ask to be able to walk through one's own neighbourhood without being crudely sexually harassed?

The weirdo factor has been rising lately, and I've dealt with one too many an aggressive crackhead over the past few months. This guy's actions were the last straw.

Not only did he miss out on my toonie, he's driven me to seek revenge. Not being a normally vengeful person, I'm not very good at concocting devious plots, but I think my plan may involve a squirt gun. Any other suggestions?


Anonymous said...

Preach. Bring friends, get some biblical literature, and show them the light! (inviting an undercover detective may be a wise addition to your party)

Erin said...

Squirt gun full of an infectious disease? Or perhaps salmonella?

Dallas said...

Update: The same weirdo struck again today-albeit to a much worse degree. I'm actually considering calling the police to make a formal complaint about this guy.

Erin said...

what did he do this time??

Dallas said...

This time I heard him shouting "Go get raped!" to a girl who was walking by. I looked at him and said "What the hell are you saying?"

He says, "Oh, I didn't mean you, miss."

"I don't care who you were talking to, why would you say something that horrible?"

"You should have heard what she said to me.She told me to go die"

"Whatever she said, I'm sure you said something worse to begin with. I've heard you say worse."

He started to yell at me, so I just went into the drugstore. That guy is a loose cannon.

j'tan said...

Fill it with bleach and aim for the eyes. That kind of character doesn't deserve all his senses.

Erin said...