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23 January 2008

barenaked ladies

Is there a biological clock inside one's body that goes off after age, say, 55 that signals "strut naked for long periods of time in change rooms"? What is with ladies getting and remaining buck naked in change rooms?

Today, for example, as I was trying to catch my breath after spinning class, I had a run-in with such a lady. I was yanking my jeans up over my hips (no easy feat after sweating for half an hour--I shower at home). Just as I victoriously buttoned up, I heard a sly voice from behind me:

"Hah, I used to have a pair of jeans that tight."

"Well, they're not usually this tight you see, I just washed them and I'm sweaty and--" I stopped short as I turned around to see a quite nude, cougar-esque woman facing me with one leg up on the bench.

"Uh," I stumbled "yeah...I'm sweaty."

"Oh, I see. I was just thinking of a pair I used to wear in university. I tried them on a while ago, 25 years later mind you, and my husband had to help me do up the fly, but they still fit."

"Wow," I managed, trying to avoid looking at her birthday suit, "impressive."

"Yes, I still weigh the same, although the weight has shifted to different places. Of course, it's pure starvation honey. That's how I kept this figure. Do you know anyone who isn't on a diet?"

Actually I know a lot of people who aren't on diets, like me, who eats chocolate like it's my job. But, at this point, she was running her hands proudly over her bod, and I didn't want to get into a deeper discussion.

"You've got a point!" I replied, laughing awkwardly.

She was still very naked, and walked over to the mirror to start applying her makeup. The girls around me and I all exchanged looks, as if silently vowing to not to become this dame.

The naked older lady is an standard fixture of the change room. Why is it that the oldest ladies in every changeroom have the least shame? Furthermore, why do they always seem to start conversations with you once they've stripped down?

4 comments:

Erin said...

Oh my God. Ask Adam and Kris about the naked old men at the YMCA in Burlington. I'm pretty sure one of them was my grandfather.

I shower at the gym (in a private stall with a curtain) and then shield my body with a giant beach towel until every inch of me is clothed. My cougar change room mates, not so much. I swear it's universal - get old, get naked.

Mark P said...

The locker room is no country for old men. Much like the old dame you encountered, older gentlemen have no qualms about flaunting their wrinkled members. One time I saw a guy shaving in the bathroom mirror with his unit flopped out on the counter like a used fishing lure. It was horrific.

anni spadafora said...

i'm all for a woman being happy in her own skin and being comfortable enough to prance around naked

but i would have to agree that this is something that makes me UBER-uncomfortable---mostly because i'm the type of person who enjoys my privacy when changing (even if it's in front of close friends).

that sort of atmosphere forces women to compare their bodies (as if being clothed wasn't enough) and often sets those who are comfortable apart from those who aren't (in terms of who decides to prance around naked)

and yes, it's oddly older women who engage in this activity. i don't know if it's to offer a claim of territory of the changeroom (often times it's regulars at the gym) or to flaunt their pride (which is again, is fantastic in many ways) but i think there is definitely something to be said with what sort of climate it creates for other women in the same space (as you so nicely pointed out, dal)

*sidenote: a bunch of my teachers in highschool did this at the goodlife i worked out at---you think a naked stranger is uncomfortable? try the women who taught you french and calculus

Dallas said...

Oh god! Your teachers! That is truly horrifying.