this city and me

My anonymity in this city is starting to slip away. I've gotten to used to feeling invisible in the streets, too comfortable. Today I was out for a walk, shaking my arms and hands to loosen up the typing-induced tension, singing quietly under my breath while I walked. Trust me, shaking my limbs and muttering a melody does not make me stand out in this neighbourhood.

Anyways, so here I was enjoying myself, when who should spot me but my ballroom dance teacher, Laurent. He greets me in French (either humouring me, or forgetting how limited my vocabulary is) and starts asking me when I will be continuing my lessons. Before I finished my last session, I told the dance school I would be very interested in continuing lessons. Then I saw the price tag for a full session. Sure I'm interested, but I'm not insane. I can't afford to spend over a grand, gallivanting with the geriatric crowd at that studio. Sorry Laurent, I won't be seeing you any time soon. Despite your heavy accent and heavy lisp, you were a fantastic teacher, and I still understood you well enough to learn the Viennese waltz pretty well. If only I could dance my way through my thesis.

But back to the anonymity thing. As I meet more people and my chances of running into people I know during the day increase, I guess I should start leaving the house in something besides the same stained ,white hoodie I love so much. My daytime outfits are so bad that, the other day, a pigeon hovered above me and then pooped on me. If he was going to poo on anyone, he might as well do it on someone who is already covered in stains. I can't really argue with that logic.

I may only be running errands, but if too many people see me like this, I am certain I will end up on What not to Wear. And to think I was voted "Most Likely to be a Fashion Designer" in high school. This is what grad school does to ya, folks.

I suppose it's a good thing I'm getting so comfortable here because, big news, I am going to stay in Montreal. I may not have a job lined up, a new place to live, or a mastery of the French language, but I'm staying anyways. Brian will be entering into Concordia's Ph.D in Communication Studies program this September (a mere 2 weeks after he defends his MA thesis, boyfriend is crazy) so he's staying. I made my decision to stay before he found out if he got in, mostly because I didn't want my decision to be entirely influenced by his.

I thought about all sorts of other options: moving to Toronto (could work, but would be expensive), going back to Tanzania (still plan to, but have to make some $ first), moving out to Eastern or Western Canada (no major job offers pulling me to either coast), and many more, crazier ideas. All in all, staying here feels right. I haven't lived in any one house for longer than 2 years in the last 7 years, so it feels right to sink some roots in here.

Plus, why would I rush to leave when I LOVE this city?

We've already started looking for new apartments. The first one we looked at was love at first sight. It was HUGE, affordable, in an up-and-coming neighbourhood, close to a market, charming, and it had an extra room that I could use as a photography studio. We have to wait until May freaking 15th to hear if we got the place, but I have my fingers tightly crossed. After all, now that I'm staying, I need a place to call home.