08 July 2008

how did this happen?

Man, I don't know what's up with me. Why is it that when I have the most on my mind, I am the least able to express myself? To sum things up as briefly as possible, I am in the midst of an in-between crisis, which entails a lot of finishing and starting, not knowing where I am going, and wondering about everything.

A few days ago I went back to Burlington for a visit. Although I usually enjoy my time there, each subsequent visit is more jarring as less and less things are familiar. Since my parents no longer live there, I have no home base per se, and fewer and fewer places I feel comfortable staying. I don't even stay with my relatives due to the ongoing saga of raccoons, crackheads, and con artists who frequent the place.* Most of my friends are either moving, travelling, or living at their parents' places. As such, I usually stay at my friend Rozlyn's boyfriend's place (thanks, Kris!). The ground is moving beneath my feet.

As of September, I will be living my life en Français. Tentatively, the plan may be to work part-time while studying French. As I will be in Montreal for the foreseeable future, I may as well be able to communicate. Happily, though, I was able to arrange all the moving day details with the current tenants of our future apartment, who are from France and speak no English. I even managed to tell them I want to buy their stackable washer/drier and butcher's block. I may have a terrible accent and limited vocabulary, but at least I'm not totally hopeless. I'm like those moms who, surging with adrenaline, lift cars to save their children. My nerves drive me miraculously wrench words and phrases out from behind my trembling lips. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but it can be scary, not knowing what the hell to say!

The past week has been a big one for weddings. Our first family wedding, my cousin's, is this coming Saturday (side note: Brian just called to ask if he could skip the wedding to go see Brad Garrett —"Robert" from Everybody Loves Raymond — instead). My former roommate Maia, and her boyfriend Michael got engaged. And, my oldest friend Lindsay got engaged and asked me to be in the wedding party. Mother of pearl, my adulthood came out of nowhere.

Speaking of aging, while in Burlington I ran into a girl I nannied for two summers during undergrad. After asking me how old I am, she exclaimed, "Holy, you are old as mold!"

Nice. Yep, 25 is really getting on I suppose. Come to think of it, I feel especially elderly at this moment, while cooking dinner for my parents. My dad is doing some work at the cottage (15 minutes away), and my mom is at her tarot card class. They are living the life! Well, it's time for me to get the risotto on the stove.

* Not a hint of exaggeration there, but that story is for another day.


Kate said...

I feel your pain but as lame and parental-like it is of me to say this everything will work out for the best. That's what I try to remind myself, but seriously you're on a path to something, you just don't know what it is yet. And you're learning and qualified so you'll figure the rest out. And if you are ever in Toronto area you cam definitely stay with me!

brian said...

I wasn't asking, i was telling. I have my Garrett tickets already, and a motel booked in Niagara. I hope he tells jokes about the differences between a husband and a wife when shopping at a supermarket.

Dallas said...

If you've got your tickets to that show, you've also got tickets to the end of our relationship. Zing!

On a more serious note, thank you, Kate, for the encouragement. I am hoping for the best.