09 September 2007

back to school

School is in, students such as myself are once again clogging up the streets, and creepy old men in cowboy hats have re-assumed their prime ogling positions at every streetside patio in the city. It's a tradition that I don't think will ever disappear, despite the ever-increasing age difference between university students and their voyeurs. I know I've dressed as a cougar for a theme party before, but lord help me if I ever end up biding the day away, craning my old neck to check out the fresh student meat, or peering "surreptitiously" through opaque sunglasses at young boys.

What I can't seem to stop staring at these days, however, are the mass amounts of terrible t-shirts on young guys who appear to be first-year McGill or Concordia students.

I really don't get how a sweaty frat boy imagines himself suave by wearing a shirt that reads:

Those who are a little more bold, and go for the assertive approach, tend to favour this beauty:

And, I can't forget this one, which I spotted yesterday afternoon outside a strip club:

Doesn't American Apparel make it easy enough for the fashion careless to dress themeselves? It's basically a paint-by-numbers for the wardrobe. Somehow, guys who favour t-shirts such as those above have completely ignored generic clothing that would let their personalities make first impressions, instead of forcing obnoxious shirts to do the honours. At least wearing plain tees would help these guys mask their intentions for a little bit when meeting new girls. Hasn't any girl told these guys that wearing dirtbag t-shirts just announces one's douchebagness right off the bat? Maybe I'm missing something here; maybe there is a hidden demographic of women who find it hard to resist a guy who essentially has "All women are bitches and hoes" splashed across his chest. Hmmmm.

Mind you, come to think of it, I believe these guys have unknowingly made first-year girls' lives a lot easier. When I think of my cousin starting her first year at university this fall, I take comfort in the trend of certain guys wearing "Swallow, or it's going in your eye" shirts. It will make it a lot easier for girls my cousin's age to spot the creeps right away.


Emmett Macfarlane said...

"douchebagness" - i think i might have a new favourite word. Oh, and good post.

Jess said...

No doubt, Dallas. I swear the next time I see a jackass in an offensive t-shirt like one of these precious numbers, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind.

I'm actually sad to have seen guys wearing those who were WITH their girlfriends, despite their timid objections to them. Then again, anyone who compares his manhood to that of a skinless corpse at a BodyWorlds Exhibition is not really worth my time or energy.

Chris in NF said...

I think you've answered your own question here -- those guys wearing those T-shirts are obeying some Darwinian law that strips whatever crude disguise they could wear on the mating scene and de-selects them from the prospect of connecting with even the most undiscerning of women.

What is however disturbing and frightening is that they may still succeed in their mating endeavours ... and further, that there might be those for whom the T-shirts are witty and disarming.

It makes one re-think eugenics.

Kate Daley said...

hahaha Dallas this post made me laugh out loud. I also thought of your word "douchebagness" when I was at the gym. I'm surrounded by young'uns. It can make a girl feel very cougary and yet sooo glad I don't ever have to date one of those boys again. You always make me smile.