16 December 2007

things we lost over time

One of the most unsettling things about meeting up with old friends, the oldest ones, who I rarely see, is the way the past resurfaces.

It doesn't happen with old friends who I am still in consistent contact with, but the ones with whom I only rarely get to catch up.

It seems that those friends remember me as the high school me, the sixteen-year-old me, a person who they remember when from the time when we were close, geographically and emotionally. It's like a friendship that was frozen in time, and has not evolved.

And now, when they talk about me as if I am still that person, I almost feel like they're talking about a stranger. And suddenly, those friends feel like strangers, and I feel strange.

Other friends, the best kind of friends, are the ones who are willing to let their perception of you change, as you change over time. Those are the kind of friendships, I've found, that stand the test of time.


Just Linds said...

thats a beautiful post ash. i'm glad to know that others feel that way as well. hope you enjoy your christmas holidays and that the new year finds you well.

Erin said...

I know exactly how you feel. Strange when people think they know you, but don't. I'm the nostalgic type who always tells the story starting with, "remember when X happened..." (and can tell the same stories again and again and still laugh) but still, always knowing that times have changed, and those days are a warm memory long past. A very strange feeling when others don't see how very different we all are, and the growth that most of us have had over the years. Awkward when you realize how LITTLE some people have grown. Harder still when people think they know you when they never did at all.

I think this is the age where people start cleaning out the closet in terms of friendship, not necessarily consciously, but subtly, and out of necessity. The friendships meant to last will always grow with you, and that's all that matters. Your true friends are always there. The others you leave behind, ideally with nothing but fond wishes. Not always the case, but your best is all you can do, I suppose.

Lovely post.