two-way mirrors

I'm not supposed to write about this, so I won't name names or places. It was too unique an experience not to at least share a piece of it. I'm back in Montreal now, but just a week ago ago, I was pacing in my hotel room in Toronto, trying to get myself and my songs in order for an audition.

I stood in a room with 99 other young sopranos, all of whom were warbling away like crazy, and I had the strange sensation of being just another songbird in a cage. Our hopes and talents were trapped together in one room for hours, and they flitted desperately around, resonating, but ultimately bouncing off the walls. It became a cacophony of competing chanteuses.

I walked onto the set after hours and hours of waiting. I looked at the two esteemed judges, I was blinded by the stage lights. I froze. I sang, but the song was trapped inside by my nerves, so the story couldn't come out.

They couldn't make up their minds about me, so they invited me back the next day, along with 23 others. We would soon be in cramped quarters together again, but on a stage instead of in a waiting room. I can't divulge any more at this point. You will have to wait for the show to air in June.

So, despite feeling deflated, I have learned a few things from this experience. From all my practicing, I have remembered how much I need to sing. I need to sing regularly, loudly, and with gusto. Which means it's back up to my secret practice space, since I don't want to drive my neighbours crazy.

The other thing I learned is that getting ready for this whole audition process breathed new life into me.  I have been so excited, nervous, thrilled, scared, and bewildered. I like how those estranged emotions feel. It feels great, and it feels like something, to not know what will happen.  To know that anything could happen. I want to feel that way more often.

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As for the above photo, I tried something different and stood on the other side of the camera this week, while modeling for my mom. I learned most everything I know about photography from her--she is amazing. It was fun to have my picture taken by someone whose abilities I respect and trust. I will post a few more once I figure out my new computer.


Happy belated Easter, or happy spring pick-me-up, pastel-toned accessories day!